Parents Can Help Bolster Child's Self-Image

Tips for Developing Healthy Self-Esteem in Children

Mar 30, 2010
Stephen Raburn

Funny Messages From Parents Can Boost Self-Esteem - Steven Depelo

Healthy self-esteem is one of the critical and fundamental building blocks for positive mental health and overall success in children.

Of course, everyone has moments of self-doubt and lapses in confidence. That’s normal, particularly among children and adolescents in the throes of self-exploration and identification.

Simply stated, a child with healthy self-esteem maintains a generally positive underlying, subconscious sense of self – in spite of life’s disappointments, ups and downs and every day slings and arrows.

Self-esteem is influenced by a number of variables, including genetic predisposition and general personality type. Some children are inclined to approach their world in a more reserved, cautious manner, which may be misinterpreted by others as low self-esteem.

Conversely, some children mask poor self-image by bravado and an overly grandiose sense of self-importance. Deep down, these children are suffering just the same, although it might be hard for others in their lives, including adults, to pick up on it.

What is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem is the collection of beliefs or feelings people have about themselves. How a person defines himself influences his motivations, attitudes, and behaviors and affects his emotional adjustment.

Patterns of self-esteem start very early in life. For example, a toddler who reaches a milestone experiences a sense of accomplishment that bolsters self-esteem.

The concept of success following persistence starts early in life. As small children try and fail time and again until, at last, they experience success, they construct ideas about their own capabilities. At the same time, they're creating a self-concept based on interactions with other people. This is why parental involvement is key to helping kids form accurate, healthy self-perceptions.

Typically, children with healthy (or high) self-esteem:

Seem to have an easier time handling conflicts and resisting negative pressures;
Tend to enjoy interacting with others;
Are comfortable in social settings and enjoy group activities as well as independent pursuits;
Are realistic and generally optimistic;
Are eager to try new activities even if they might fail;
Are able to view mistakes or missteps realistically and not as flaws in character.

Children with unhealthy (or low) self-esteem:

Tend to be overly critical of and easily disappointed in themselves;
May not want to try new things, and may frequently speak negatively about themselves: "I'm stupid," "I'll never learn how to do this," or "What's the point? Nobody cares about me anyway;”
May exhibit a low tolerance for frustration, giving up easily or waiting for somebody else to take over;
See temporary setbacks as permanent, intolerable conditions, as a sense of pessimism predominates;
Find challenges to be sources of major anxiety and frustration;
Have a hard time finding solutions to problems;
May become passive, withdrawn, or depressed;
Faced with a new challenge, their immediate response is "I can't."

How Can a Parent Help to Foster Healthy Self-Esteem in a Child?

Parents and other important adults in the child's life play important roles in helping to shape the child's sense of self and world view. Parents should:

Consistently try to create opportunities for success for the child;
Praise the child regularly, even for small accomplishments or approximations of appropriate behavior;
Set a positive tone rather than allowing the child to set a negative emotional tone;
Avoid angry, sarcastic, demeaning remarks;
Help the child separate behavior from the person ( "I may be terrible at basketball... but I am not terrible;" I may have just done something really stupid... but I am not stupid");
Provide frequent, genuine nurturing, attention and love both emotionally and physically;
Help the child identify hobbies, interests;
Give the child responsibilities; make sure she’s part of the decision-making process;
Adopt “progress not perfection” mentality (unrealistically high expectations will result in a lot of failure and disappointment);
Consistently seek to help child improve self-concept to feel worthwhile, capable, responsible and lovable;
Approach the child with compassion, understanding and patience;
Be a consistent, reliable figure for the child;
Nurture and model your own healthy self-esteem;
Identify and re-direct the child’s inaccurate beliefs ( “No, you’re not an awful student, you’re a good student and you’re having some trouble with Algebra; I can help you.”);
Create a safe, loving home environment (kids who don't feel safe or are abused at home will suffer immensely from low self-esteem);
Seek help when needed (children suffering from poor self-esteem are at greater risk for mental health problems, academic problems and school drop-out; professional counseling may be beneficial).

Remember, with a little help from the adults in their lives, children with poor self-esteem can learn to view themselves and the world in a more positive light, accept who they are and develop a healthier self-perception.